BLACK SHEEP

I saw a snippett of Gayle Kings’ interview with Will Smith (which will air Sunday), and it truly hit home for me. Will Smith said, “Whatever it is that you are going through, or have gone through, was perfectly designed for you.” He states that life is the curicullum to teach you. He used his life lessons and what he had gone through at an early age to shape him into who he was going to be and who he is today.

I took a sip of my coffee and thought long and hard about that statement. It was as if a lightbulb had gone off, and I realized what his words represented for me.

I experienced, at a very young age, things no child should every have to experience, and as Smith stated, that was my lesson, life is my curicullum. I allowed these experiences shape my teenage years as well as my 20’s and 30’s. Through more trauma, of a different kind of nature, it shaped a period in my life where I was determined to give up on these life lessons and throw in the towel completely.

It was only through closing many, many doors and letting the negative people in my life go, that I actually began to see who it was that I was truly meant to be. I am very proud of myself for where I am today and the mother and grandmother I am.

Trust me, just that one step of illiminating peole, and figuring out that I didn’t and don’t need them in my life was a journey that broke my heart into so many pieces. I went through an apology phase, when in all actuality should have been the other way around.

I am picking up one piece of my heart at a time, still today, and although I have always been considered talented, I am seeing colors I haven’t noticed before. Ideas are shaping, doors are opening up, and a creative ability is shining taking me to the next level.

I look in the mirror now, not ashamed of who I am, what I have been through, or that I am considered “The Black Sheep”. I only need to accept myself. Of coarse, I could have gone further if this realization had come to me earlier, but it’s never too late as the saying goes.

I do wish things could have been different and relationships didn’t have to be dissolved. To have the only thing I ever wanted (acceptance), and to be pushed to be more than I was, intested of falling in line and being just another one of the gang; to be told, “It’s going to be okay. WE are going to get through this and I will always be there for you.”

To be called, “THE BLACK SHEEP” doesn’t seem quite appropriate at this point in my life. I like to consider the term, “THE BRIGHT AND SHINING SHEEP”.

My advice: It may take a while, a long while, to figur out who you are and who you are meant to be. You may have to let people go to get where you are going. Sometimes, you have to let something go to get something.

There IS greener grass on the other side for some of us. Remember, there was a reason we were put where we were in that time of our lives. To overcome, to achieve, to defy the odds, to inspire, or just let others know, YOU CAN RISE ABOVE IT ALL!

Let who you are and your life’s experiences drive you to unimaginable feats!

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Author: Pameladlockwood

I am an aspiring author. I love to work in my woodshed. I learned how to run a lathe which is my tool of choice for making lamps and bottles. I also love to dram and paint. Creating is my passion. I am a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 3. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare nerve condition called CRPS. It has been a hard road for me but through this site and creating I hope to find some solace. I am a firefight 2. I have been an applied therapy assistant for autistic children. I have a degree in two years of accounting and have received my certificate in Medical Transcription. I love to learn and grow as a person.

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